The Second Time Around

Gaining Maturity?

2006-09-21T19:37:00.000-05:00

I think that both of our boys are gaining some maturity and coping skills. Both Mack and Sam came through what would normally be challenging situations for them with little or no meltdown. A miracle at our house.

Mack did have a "mini" meltdown which means that nothing got broken and no one got hurt. Mack had his best friend over this afternoon and Mack would not let his friend play his new video game that he just got for his birthday. His friend kept begging and telling him to make a decision to either let him play or he was going home. Of course, he added the stipulation that he was NEVER coming back. Then I heard this friend, "That hurts @#**#@!" So I called Mack into the living room to ask him what he had done to his friend. His response: "I hugged him to get him to stay." His friend yelled, "No, you jumped on top of me." I told David that it was time for him to go home. Then I asked Mack why he had done that. He said. "To get him to change his mind." Then we had to discuss that hugging would have been inappropriate since he is 14 and his friend is 13 and we don't touch others that way without asking first. Then I reminded him that jumping on his friend could be considered an assault and a violation of his probation if the police were called.

Then I told him to bring me the cord to his Game Cube. That is when the screaming started. I am probably the most hated mother in the world considering the number of times that he said it. He was slamming doors and threw the cord in the hall. But that was a "mini" and something to be grateful for considering that in the past we've had walls destroyed and people bit and strangled and bruised by flying objects. So, he is improving.

As I am writing he came out of his room and apologized and then asked if he could have his cord back. I told him "No!" and he did not rage. Another praise!

Another near miss - Sam's computer crashed at 8PM last night and of course he wanted Dad to fix it immediately! Dad was exhausted and not ready for hours of reformatting the hard drive and reinstalling software. When Dad explained that to him we expected his screaming to start. He has not been into hitting and throwing for several years. But he sure can scream and be disrespectful. Instead he was very respectful. Dad showed Sam how to get the process started and left him to finish that part before his bedtime. When Dad got home this afternoon Sam was not chomping at the bit for Dad to begin immediately with his computer. He did get a little anxious and started some whining when he was taking awhile to get all of the software and virus protection loaded. But he managed to make it through with Dad distracting him by dueling him in Yu-Gi-Oh while they waited. There was a time when nothing could have distracted him. Another praise!

On those days when I am exhausted and feel like I am not making any difference for these two boys - someone remind me of this day. Or maybe I'll just go back and reread my blogs!

Report Cards and Progress Reports

2006-09-20T20:38:00.000-05:00

Report cards and progress reports came home yesterday and we were pleasantly surprised! Sam did fail math and general tech. The math we expected, the general tech we actually though that he would do well in because it is a hands-on class. But the biggest surprise was that he got a C in Reading. I think it was probably a surprise for the teachers, too. I say that because two weeks after school started and Sam was having trouble transitioning to high school. He was also sleeping in class because he was having trouble with his sleep cycles and his intelligent mother (that would be me) forgot to start giving him his melatonin again. At the meeting I was essentially told that they did not understand why he was in regular classes with resource working on a high school diploma. They felt that since he had taken an alternative test that he should not be in that program. I let them know that he wanted to work for a diploma and that I did not intend to shatter his dream until he was given a chance. They told me that at this rate he would fail Reading and if he couldn't pass Reading with a regular teacher, a special ed teacher and a para in there, then he would never pass English in the Spring when there was only a teacher.

Well at this point - I am so proud because he is proving them wrong. And if he can do with the assistance, then I will fight to get the assistance that he needs to succeed in English, too. I won't let them write him off yet. He has made slow, but steady progress in the 9 years since I adopted him. I don't intend to let that stop now!

Magnificent or Maddening? Monday

2006-09-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

As you can see I am a bit undecided today. It is Monday - of that I am sure. But I'm not sure what label to give it. One of the paras in my class has a 12yo daughter diagnosed with Aspergers. She is in 5th grade at the school where we work. When she has a good day her teacher always gives her special word to tell her mom like "Marvelous Monday" or "Tremendous Tuesday" So, I decided to try it. I wanted to try and be positive and think of a positive words and the positive things that happened today, but then I found myself feeling more negative than positive.

So, I'll try the positive first. Sam had another marvelous morning. He was up and ready 20 minutes before time to go out to the bus. He even yelled downstairs that he was up and dressed, so that in his words, "You won't yell at me to get up again." I try to explain to him that I am not angry, but you cannot whisper and have someone hear you upstairs. Another positive for Sam - he made a 69/D on his Algebra test. That may not seem like a positive, but this is the 5th week of school and the first week that he has passed a test. He is excited that he does not have to go to TLC (The Learning Center) after school this week. That is a requirement if you get an F on the test. So, Praise God for small miracles.

positive #3 - I actually got to work 10 minutes early today instead of 10 minutes late! That is a real miracle. I only live a mile away, but with getting the boys out the door to their buses, I never seem to be ready on time myself.

Positive #4 - Hubby and I shared the most deliciously sweet mango for breakfast this morning. It was a real treat.

Positive #5 - Mack had a Level 3 day at school today - that is good - the highest level.

Positive #6 - The headache that I have had for two days was not there when I woke up this morning.

Now I am out of positives.

The morning with Mack did not go as smoothly as for Sam. It took him 50 minutes to get out of the bed, get his clothes on, and get to the table for breakfast was with reminders every 5 minutes to which he responded with screams and groans. That left 10 minutes to eat, brush teeth, comb hair, etc. Before the bus came. Then there was more screaming because I was rushing him and (his words) "Don't you understand that I don't like to be rushed and told to do what I already know to do?" But he did finally get out the door and on the bus.

I woke up this morning with pain in my neck and shoulder. This is due to an injury to my cervical disks that I had 12 years ago and then a reinjury 6 years ago. I have two bulging disks. I have had this pain all weekend and it had moved from my neck and shoulders up the side of my head and I had a headache for two days. So, I was prepared for another day of pain.
When I got to school 10 minutes early, I remembered that today was Special Ed Collaboration Day. This is a day when special ed teachers have substitutes in their classrooms so that they can spend time meeting with general ed teachers who have the students they serve in their classes. In between we have time for paperwork (I'm the special ed teacher) - IEPs, etc. We also usually meet for an hour together to discuss common issues, successes, and challenges. This is usually a good day - but on Friday my principal had informed me that I would not have a sub because I had 3 paras and she had not gotten the special funds yet and this way she could save some money. So, I remembered that this morning. I just really felt slighted because I have the most significantly impaired children. Since, my students do go out to other classes for part of the day, I was not able to leave the room and had students while the paras were out with them. Then I read the schedule wrong and did not see that our meeting was from 12 -1. No one had come to ask me if I wanted lunch when they went out to get something and I was planning to run to Taco Bell during my regular lunch at 12:30. So, I had no lunch today. Then the meeting was about the Literacy Redesign and how it was working using novels instead of basals with 4-6 grade students. This did not apply to me at all since my students read at a K level and are learning functional vocabulary- so here I sit starving to death wasting my time.

On top of this I was already in a bad mood because my principal had called me into her office on Friday to ask me why I had used 8 sets of ink cartridges in my printer last year. I told her it was to print the overlays and other visual schedules and strategies that my students need. Then she asked if I planned to use that much this year because she thought it was excessive. I was so surprised that I was really unable to give her any kind of intelligent answer. So, now I don't know who to be angrier with - her or myself. I plan to write her a letter and explain my position and why I need ink and paper. I also plan to write a grant to buy my own ink and paper.

Well, I'm glad that I have had a chance to vent! But I still haven't decided whether today has been Magnificent or Maddening! What is your vote? Maybe this evening's events will cast the deciding vote.

Super Saturday - GO LSU TIGERS!

2006-09-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

Mack is a happy camper today. He had his first sleepover guest. His friend, David, who lives down the street spent the night. They had a great time. David has brain damage from a near drowning accident. He is a great friend for Mack. This was part of Mack's request for his birthday. Now is friend is gone home and he is ready to got to WalMart and spend his birthday money.

Okay, I have been trying for the last hour to put a picture on my posts from yesterday of Mack and his Killed By Chocolate birthday cheesecake. I must really be computer illiterate because I just can't figure it out!

I need to ask hubby's help, he'll figure it out and then when he shows me I will feel like a total idiot. But since he is a computer analyst - it should be easier for him. But I will have to wait until later since it is time for the LSU-Auburn game. My husband is an LSU alumni and so we watch every game. I am a University of Maryland (BA( and San Diego State University (MA) graduate, but since I was born in Louisiana, I am an LSU fan. Until we moved we attended every home game. My husband worked as a ticket taker at the student gates for 16 years. We really miss attending the games, but since it is no longer free for us, we can't really afford the $36 tickets for four of us. So, we watch on the big screen instead. So, i better get in there and join the family for football fun.

Hopefully I will figure out how to add the pictures soon.

What A Week!

2006-09-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm new to this blogging stuff and this week it looks like I have a weekly blog rather than a daily blog. I have had a very busy, but productive week.

It has indeed been a week of "New Beginnings":
- Sam got up and dressed by 6 AM everyday this week. No nagging and last minute stress to get out to the bus. The incentive? - the internet will be turned on at 6AM if you are up and ready to go. Then you have 45 minutes on the computer before the bus comes. It has worked like a charm - but who knows what next week will hold!!

-I did not get any emails about Sam's behavior or refusing assistance at school this week. Of course, I still have not gotten responses to whether the requests (suggestions) that I made have been put into place. That is my next task for today - follow-up with the THIRD email to the teachers. Why is it that I can manage to either return emails, phone calls, or notes to the parents of the students that I teach but Sam's teacher don't seem to be able to manage that.

-Mack had a great week. He turned 14 on Tuesday. And despite the fact that his "mother" did not show up for the seventh year in a row for his birthday - he did not have a meltdown. In fact, he even asked his mental counselor at school on Monday to help him to know some strategies that he could use if she didn't show up. So, I guess a little maturity is beginning to evolve. He sat on the front porch waiting for her for two hours before she called to tell him that she was not coming. Then he told me that everything had gone wrong and his birthday was ruined. I asked him to list everything and his list consisted of "Momma didn't come." Then I pointed out to him that nothing else had gone wrong and asked him if he was going to let Momma control everything. He responded by telling me, "No, I didn't do anything wrong. It's her loss! (Words from Ms. Tabby - his counselor). Then when Dad got home we went to Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro and he had his favorite "Killed By Chocolate" cheesecake for this birthday.

-My other new beginning for the week did not turn out as planned. I showed up last night for the Praise Team rehearsal. When I got to the door I was told my the pianist that the group had discussed it and they did not want to add anyone new at this time. But she said I could come in and sing a few songs with them. I went in and each of the three guys in the group told me the same thing. I stayed, but felt very awkward. I really wanted to burst into tears and run out of the church. But I just kept praying and trying to remember the words in my Bible study this week that I should ask God what He wants me to do for Him in this situation rather than dwelling on myself and asking Why this is happening to me. That in itself was a new beginning for me because normally I would have turned it all inside and become very depressed and down on myself. They did ask me to sing harmony on one song, but they did not have sheet music and I need notes. So, I did terribly. I am sure they will never call me to join them. Besides they mentioned that there were people who were already singing in the choir during the second service who had mentioned wanting to be in the group. I think they were trying to let me down easy, but I was a bit angry that they did not call me earlier in the week and tell me this rather than letting me show up and then tell me.
Then I remember the words that I read in one of Claudia's blogs: "My faith and trust is in Christ, not in Christians." Praise the Lord for that. I would much rather trust in His perfection and be made strong with His strength in my weakness.

The students in my class only had a half-day today so that is why I have time to write. I am using part of my lunch break. Now I need to go eat and get some things done in my classroom. Hopefully, I will find time to write more this weekend.

Day of New Beginnings

2006-09-10T20:41:00.000-05:00

Today's theme at church was "Day of New Beginnings." I made the decision that today was also my day of "New Beginnings." I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I have been going through a period of depression that has been recurring for the last two years. There have been a lot of circumstances that have perpetuated this, but mostly I think that I have just allowed myself to become mired down in the negative thoughts. So, today is the day that I change all of that. This is the day that I choose to rise above the thoughts and to replace those negative thoughts with new, positive thoughts. Since I am a Christian, those positive thoughts will have their source in God's word. So, I plan to begin memorizing scripture that I can use to replace the negative thoughts when they crowd in and try to take over my mind.

This morning we decided to go to a new early service that our church is doing. Because they use drums and guitars and lively music and it is more informal, we thought that our boys would enjoy it more than the regular service. They did enjoy the service. Then we decided to try going to Bible study. Sam really wanted to go home, so my husband, Malcolm took him home - 5 minutes away. I took Mack to the Jr. High Bible study class. He had never been before so I wanted to talk to the teacher before I left him. The teacher was not there but the lady who had taken to the room seemed to sense my anxiety. I asked Mack to move away from us and I told her that he had special needs. She told me that she had a son with special needs and she had sensed that Mack was special. Could it possibly be because he kept yelling that he wanted his toys out of the van? She said that she would take care of him. Later she was in the class with my husband and me. She told me that Mack seemed to need something to hold so she asked him to hold her tape. Once Mack met the teacher and found out that he was the father of a boy who was in Mack's 6th grade class, he was comfortable. Then she told me that her son is 26yo and has Fragile X syndrome. So she really does understand. She also told me that the pastor and his wife has adult children with special needs. I already knew that, but it was great that she shared with me. We have been in this church for over a year and I have been afraid to reach out for fear of rejection. Instead when I took the chance I found support. The Bible study group is also going to be a great small group to find support.

I also took another step in my new beginning. Part of the new worship service is a Praise Team. I used to sing with a Praise Team and loved it. There were no women in this group, so I told the pastor on the way out that I really was interested in singing. He sent me to the new Music Director and I will begin practicing with them Thursday night and will sing on Sunday. They are a very informal group, so they said when I could come on Thursday nights then I could sing the next Sunday. There will be no pressure or guilt if I am not able to make it every week. So another place to fit in and have time for me.

So, it has truly been a "Day of New Beginnings." I wonder what new beginnings I will find tomorrow.

I Finally Did It!

2006-09-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

Kari, I finally did it - I started a blog. Thanks for the nudge to get started. If I can just get the picture bit figured out I will be doing great. I can't wait to get started journaling about the events in my life and my family. Everyday is an adventure, so I am sure that there will never be a shortage of things to blog about.

Today has been a lazy day for me. I deserve one every once in awhile. Malcolm, my husband, has taken Sam and Mack to a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament. If you are not familiar - it is a strategy card game that my boys, including hubbie, are really into. My guys are not into sports, so this is the perfect outlet for them. In spite of their FASD, they are able to succeed in this arena. Sam has actually won tournaments - once against a man with a PhD in Physics. So, it just goes to prove that they really do excel in certain areas. School just isn't one of them - but that is a subject for a whole different blog.

So, I have actually spent the day in the bed. I am recovering from a bladder infection that has really hit me hard. I worked all week in spite of the infection and totally exhausted myself. After a day in bed I feel refreshed and ready to start a new week.